She's written a goofy, side-splitting, totally tongue-in-cheek piece, depicting an open letter to literary agents. Welcome, Katy! You always make me smile.
Katy McKenna revels in fictionalizing her true-life stories and, conversely, infusing genuine truth into her made-up stories. She loves it when a reader reports having laughed and cried, all in the same paragraph. Katy and her hubby empty-nest in Kansas City, which is home-base for three grown kids, two in-law kids, and two grandkids. They operate a web design firm, for which Katy provides copywriting, editing, bookkeeping, and coffee-making services. Katy is not, repeat NOT, a hoarder! However, she embraces the thrill of the thrift-store hunt with untethered enthusiasm. A dual citizen of America and Britain, Katy adores haunting her ancestral ruins and relatives in Scotland and Ireland, excavating stories galore.
Katy is a member of ACFW and blogs at www.fallible.com and also at www.wordservewatercooler.com. She is represented by WordServe Literary Agency.
An Open Letter To All The Remaining Literary Agents I’ve Not Yet Contacted
by Katy McKenna
Dear Literary Agent,
If you think I haven’t read your blog, you’re wrong. I thought I’d clear that up right away. I am so diligent, I’ve even delved into the archives, perusing entries from as long ago as two weeks. I know what you’re looking for in a client even better than you do. In fact, because I am such a devoted student of your career, writings, and personal life, I feel I can say without a doubt that I am your next dream author.
How am I so sure? I am glad you asked!
For one thing, you’ve very clearly expressed your preference for having “good writing” sent your way. I’m betting your definition of good writing is the same as my mom’s, which means I’m in luck. Attached is the only scene I’ve slapped together so far. After you read it (get a move on!) and I’ve agreed to be represented by you, I will gladly crank out the rest of the novel. It could take a while, though. I am currently in communication with many notable agents, and I feel certain you’ll realize that these relationships represent a considerable time commitment on my part.
In addition, submitting a proposal for a book I haven’t gotten around to writing would be a giant waste of my time, as I am sure you will agree.
Second, you have indicated you don’t want to sign any high-maintenance, best-seller wannabes. I can assure you that I’ve never personally obtained a pedicure (photos availble upon request). Also, I can produce yellowed postcards from both my dentist and OB/GYN verifying that I am nine years behind in my supposedly annual (ha!) check-ups. NO WAY am I high-maintenance! If you’ll either call me on my cell or email me within fourteen minutes of receiving this—as you should if you are truly the professional you profess yourself to be—we can discuss this point until I’m satisfied that you understand.
Third, you state that any client you take on must have a platform already in place. Bingo! We have a winner! I have been an active blogger for seven plus years, during which time I have chronicled with sterling clarity my aging mother’s propensity for swearing like a drunken Marine (no worn-out cliches here, baby!) as well as her advancing incontinence. Google my stats and you’ll see I now have six regular readers, half of whom have agreed to be sent free copies of my first book.
Finally, you say you are seeking authors who seem unlikely to end up one-hit wonders. While I’d prefer NOT to promise you the moon until my staggering work of heartbreaking genius reaches the top of the NYT list, I think it’s pretty safe to say there’s PLENTY more wherever that first scene came from.
In conclusion, I am absolutely brimming with potential, just the way you like ‘em.
I look forward to hearing from you soon. Very soon.